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| I didn't really mention it after it happened, as I'd hoped it was a fluke incident that came about as the result of "partying too hard," also known as abusing my body to no end, and not eating well enough throughout the course of the my last few days on vacation. While on the Greyhound back from Philly, at about seven thirty in the morning my arms went numb and my hands started sweating. My heart felt like somebody had dipped it in a bucket of ice water, and I felt very, very lightheaded, to the point of getting tunnel vision and having to struggle to keep from passing out altogether. Ended up puking into the murky blue sanitary fluid in the back of the bus, and asking some fellow passengers for some food, as the Wheeling, WV stop didn't have any. Somebody was nice enough to give me a few cookies and some Flamin' Hot Cheethos (healthy, right?). Anyways, I slowly started to feel a little better, but my arms remained numb, and hands kept sweating for most of the rest of the day, along with my heart still feeling really unpleasant. Two summers ago I briefly went to a hospital because I kept getting these heart flutters. Turned out there were called PVCs, which are triggered by nicotine, coffee, alcohol, and other more illicit stimuli. Got pretty used to having those from time to time, but they eventually became less and less frequent.
This is terribly drawn out. Friday, I went out to work, and pretty quickly after leaving my heart started to feel funny again, that same icy cold sensation, and while I was walking Prince, I nearly fainted again. Happened again yesterday. Today I just felt lightheaded and got the PVCs while at work, but it wasn't too bad. Fact is it seems like it's not just going to go away. I haven't had any alcohol, nicotine or caffeine for four days or so, leading me to believe that it's something beyond short term physical abuse. Perhaps years of it has done some serious harm, but I sort of find that hard to believe when there are people who end up doing more terrible things to their bodies for far longer periods of time. Guess you never know, though...
Tonight, I drank a non-alcoholic beer at work and drank decaf coffee. Self-defeat.
I basically stayed home all weekend watching Outer Limits VHS, Star Trek, and me tv TOO, which basically consists of crappy 60s cop dramas. Been reading too. And eating. Jill's in town. Hung out for a good while last night playing Personal Preference. I kind of enjoyed sipping at a Sprite while everybody else was blocking the world out. Definitely a new perspective. Did get some sweet Vietnamese food with Sarah yesterday afternoon. Watched that damn Tom Cruise in Valkyrie as well.
There's not really any point to this entry, other than listing it as a point of reference to myself, I suppose. Hopefully going to a clinic tomorrow morning before work to get this checked out. Trying to set up insurance pronto so I can get treatment if I need to, but hopefully it's just something stupid.
Hanging with Lisa on tuesday. Always good to see old friends.
Keeping my fingers crossed. | |
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| "If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore," she wrote. "If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?”
thank you, internet. | |
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|  scored this tonight. fuck yea. check out the awesome gatefold image:  thanks for turning me into a moron, john. it's all downhill from here. "if you see me walkin down the line with my favorite honky tonk in mind well, i'll be here around suppertime with my can of dinner and a bunch of fine" additionally, check out this sweet album cover.  | |
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| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtJLZ2zL2Oscheck out this song. embedding disabled apparently. heard a feature about it on the radio yesterday. this version gets me, but there are others, aretha, sinatra, probably a dozen more. | |
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| Lots of Townes Van Zandt this week, I can tell already. Been jamming the Cat Power album Dear Sir a ton as well. Never really cared for anything of hers I'd heard before, but this album... phew... heavy, borderline noisy, but with great vocals. Definitely highly recommended for anybody in that fall mood. Back in Chicago. Maybe I said that before. Maybe not. Irrelevant. Somebody told me I seemed sad yesterday, but not just momentarily specific, just in general, which of course just bummed me out even more. I wonder how long I've been letting it go, blotting it out, tricking myself, trying to believe that I'm okay with things. The fact of the matter is that I'm not at all. But I'm working on that... Start volunteering at the Red Door Animal Shelter on Wed. They take care of cats, but mostly bunnies. So stoked. Might foster one for awhile. I've been talking for a few months about getting one again, but I'm trying to be responsible. Fostering would be great, but I know I'd get super attached and probably not want to give it to the new home in the end. Met new dog on the route tonight. Dachshund named Panzer. Pretty cute little fellow. Won two bucks on a scratcher. Promptly spent it on a tall boy. Show for Litany For the Whale on friday went pretty well. Sick/Tired fucking ruled. Like Rats were rad. Definitely most stoked about Sick/Tired though. Scored the 7". Fucking ripper. Trying to play a lot more guitar. My fingers have gotten sloppy over the last few months. New room is awesome... actually have space to work/lounge. All of the furniture minus my couch and part of the bed frame was built by me, which I think is kind of rad. Nice to be surrounded by one's work sometimes. Time to clean the kitchen and get down to making some chili. Good discussion on the role of record labels that I read today. http://www.npr.org/blogs/monitormix/2009/11/roundtable_discussion_the_role_1.html#more | |
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|  R.I.P. Bratmobile... 1990-2009 168,729 Miles Thousands of miles clocked driving around D.C. Hundreds of rotations around the beltway Tens of thousands of collective cigarettes smoked Countless trips to Richmond, Baltimore and Philadelphia At least two trips to NYC Two fateful journeys to Chicago One trip to Cleveland Over 100 passengers Numerous camp outs One twelve pack of beer consumed by a certain Paul Hanson, numerous others in less impressive quantities Hours upon hours upon hours of mix tapes listened to Dozens of awkward questions asked by Jruss Too many stickers Pulled over six times and never a single ticket (keeping my fingers crossed) ...and a whole slew of other good memories. You will be missed, dawg. | |
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| our apartment was cold enough to see steam on our breaths the other night. it's about 55 right now, but that's likely because it's day time. i'm wearing long underwear, jeans, smart wool socks, shoes, undershirt, flannel, sweatshirt, winter hat with ear flaps, windbreaker. still cold. bought a space heater, which i feel really crappy about because they consume a fuckload of energy, but i guess i'd prefer not to die this winter. landlord says the heat will get turned on in a week, but after having spent the night in this apartment a few times last year as a guest, i know that it's not gonna make much of a difference. we had to wear layers and snooze wrapped arms in arms in a sleep sack to keep from shivering all night. winter should be interesting this year, as i'm living in the back sun room, which is certainly the least insulated room of the house. gonna put up the plastic sheets tomorrow after work, foam some cracks, cover the outlets, on exterior walls (see: all of them), and possibly hang some carpets up on the west wall of my room.
this week's been pretty good i guess. i feel like i'm about to have a breakdown more often than not for about the first half of the day, but since i've been eating a little better that's improved some. paul and mark are here this weekend. kip comes monday. driving east next friday. unbelievably excited about some of it. going to be very prudent about who i choose to spend my time with and what doing. i think my cousin davey, who i haven't really met yet, and i may go on a bike trip to harper's ferry. talk about an awkward first date, eh? just kidding. i'm hoping we'll get along.
dinosaur jr. tonight... dunno if i should go? | |
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| My most recent ebay fiasco: ( ohhhhhhh )at least it arrived! | |
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darwinblacklist's journal
